The Power of Your God Story

Written by Tammy Iund Woodard

I was at work and my cell phone rang.  I didn’t recognize the number.  I quickly walked outside and answered.

“Hello”

“Mrs. Woodard?”

“Yes”

“This is Detective {insert name} with the Spokane Police Department.  Do you have a moment?”

“Sure.”

“I have received a police report from a young man who says he lived with you for several years.  He’s accusing your husband of molestation.”

“He’s my ex-husband.”

“Well he’s accusing your ex-husband of molestation.  I have his deposition and I need to read it to you.  I need corroboration on some of the facts he’s stating in his deposition.”

Was this happening?  Deposition?  Corroboration?  Was I in my own episode of Law & Order?  I felt sick.  I wanted to vomit.  I was numb.

“Mrs. Woodard?”

“It’s Ms. Woodard.”

“Ms. Woodard, do you have time right now to have this conversation?”

“Sure.”

For the next hour, I stood outside my office door while I listened to a detailed account of this young man describing what my (then) husband had done to him while growing up in our home.  Periodically the detective would pause and ask questions like, “Did you go on that camping trip?”, “Does he have a tattoo there?”, “Is that date correct?”.  The final thing the detective said to me was that I was not allowed to speak of this investigation to anyone, including my children and most definitely not my ex-husband. He said he’d be in touch after the investigation was completed. I hung up the phone.  I threw up in the flower bed outside my office.  I then went back inside and finished my day at work.   I had to go home, see my kids, and continue through the evening as though nothing had occurred.

Now let me backup just a moment. I have always been fearful of eternity.  When I say always I mean ALWAYS.  After accepting Christ as my Savior, I was almost more fearful.  I better understood the consequences of eternity.  I never felt like I could KNOW where I’d spend eternity.  I was serving the Lord but of course I made mistakes.  I never wanted to talk about eternity, the afterlife or think about life on this earth ending.  Then one week God transformed my life.  God just immediately healed me of that fear in a moment.  I had been undergoing transformation in my life by accepting the unconditional love of God for me.  Then, through some teaching, I realized that until I was able to accept that God loved me, cared for me and had a home in eternity for me I could never move forward in my relationship with Jesus.  It was the most freeing prayer and the most acceptance I’d ever felt.  

Fast forward again. Every insecurity and identity issue I had ever dealt with came flooding back.  How could this be going on in my home and I was not aware?  What kind of mother was I?  Oh God, was this done to my own children?  I really don’t remember the rest of that day.

This blog isn’t every detail of my story except to say God walked me and my children through some horrible trauma.  I have many testimonies during that time.  I didn’t do everything right.  I didn’t always have the right attitude but God’s faithfulness outlasted my unfaithfulness.

Fast forward again several years. I wanted a companion.  I wanted to feel loved in an intimate way by another human.  I wanted that other adult in my life and the life of my kids.  People who were married would say “God is your husband”.  What does that even mean?  God is my husband.  What’s God doing about the bills that are piling up?  What’s God doing about the things around the house that are breaking and that need repair.  Not only do I not know how to repair them, and this is key, I don’t want to know how.  In my marriage, we had very clear roles about the “boy’s” job and the “girl’s” job.  I know that’s very stereotypical, but it worked for us and it’s the way I liked it.  I didn’t want to learn how to change out a toilet, even if I could find it on YouTube!  One day I was outside on the porch and I was changing a burnt out light bulb.  It was raining and cold.  I was standing on a milk crate in order to reach the porch light.  Now each time I retell this story I wonder why I choose to change it in the cold and rain and why didn’t I get a step stool?  I have no idea.  But that is the scene.  The porch light had a glass cover over it that had to be removed by unscrewing 2 rusty, stripped screws.  I was working on that with my screwdriver when it slipped, gauged myself in the hand and then fell off the milk crate.  I began to cry and rail at God.  I yelled, “YOU SUCK AS A HUSBAND.”  The next thing I remember, I was inside my living room, face down in my carpet, crying out to God and there was such a warmth and feeling of love that enveloped me.  I don’t remember coming into the house.  I don’t remember kneeling on the floor to pray or cry.  But I remember not feeling a bit of condemnation.  I remember feeling the unconditional love of the Father like nothing I had ever experienced before.

I wish I could say I turned to Jesus at every difficult turn over the years, but I did not. I was angry.  I was grieving.  But I was also dealing with shame and condemnation.  I remember one time very clearly hearing Holy Spirit say to me, “your children are watching you and watching how you respond to these hardships.”  I VERY CLEARLY said back to Holy Spirit, “I don’t care.  You’ll have to help them.  I cannot.  I can’t give what I don’t have and right now I don’t have it to give.”  Boy, has the enemy used that one against me repeatedly. My sons are amazing young men.  They are kind, compassionate and an incredible judge of character.  But for every choice they’ve made that differs from my values, the enemy has come in like a flood to remind me of that conversation.  Oh the guilt, shame and condemnation he likes to heap like coals on our heads.  I have been redeemed, restored and reconciled by God.  I know my children will be too.  God’s got them, even when I couldn’t.

I’m not sharing all of my story but I’m sharing pieces.  My story isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress.  It’s not a story about arriving at a destination. It is a story about a journey.  I’m grateful that over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to share parts and all of my story.  I’ve been amazed and grateful as my story has helped others find and accept Jesus.

2 Corinthians 12:6 If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I won’t do it, because I don’t want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message,

When my story focuses on the power of Christ, then it will minister to others.  It’s not a story of my boasting.  It’s not a story of giving the enemy credit.  In every victory and every shortcoming, the theme is giving credit to Jesus.

1 Timothy 1:15 This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all. 16 But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life. 17 All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen.

I feel as Paul did.  All honor and glory to God.  Sharing the gospel through the power of sharing your story isn’t about making it pretty with a nice bow.  It’s not about wrapping it all up or having all the answers.  It’s simply about letting others know that we KNOW where we go for answers.  It’s about letting others know that God’s faithfulness will always endure.  That’s the power of story.

Call to Action & Reflection:

John 9    

1 Timothy 1:12-17

Acts 8:1-3

2 Corinthians 12:6-10

Romans 7:15

Who needs to hear your story?

Who can I share Jesus with by loving them like Jesus?

Have you ever written your story down?  If sharing your story makes you nervous, try writing out your God story first.