The Expectation Trap
Written by Becca Daniel
I set out on January 1st to read the New Testament in a year with my family. We’re following a plan that guides us through the daily reading, and a prompt after the reading for us to post about what stood out to us.
As I’ve made my way through Matthew, Mark, and the first few chapters of Luke, there’s lots that stands out to me, but there’s one thing that consistently stands out the most in the gospels so far and it’s this:
Jesus is unexpected.
My husband and I are celebrating two years of marriage in a few days, and as a recently married woman I am very familiar with the importance of expectations. Most of our conflicts can be traced back to the same root cause; unclear or unmet expectations. Looking back at the significant relationships in my 47 years of life, I can see that most of my relational struggles had to do with expectations.
We as humans love expectations. They help us make sense of the world around us and feel like we’re in control. We love them so much that we sometimes have expectations that we didn’t even know we had and don’t realize it until we’ve been let down. I know that I’ve been “burned” because I didn’t communicate my expectations to the other person, or even to myself.
When our expectations aren’t met, it’s tempting to respond out of fear. This happened many times in the gospels.
Jesus said what he was going to do, but people didn’t have the faith to believe he would actually do it.
Unmet expectations surprise us, and not everyone likes surprises.
Though it came to no surprise to Jesus that he would cause a stir by being an unexpected Messiah. He was prepared to respond.
When the men came to Jesus, they said, “John the Baptist sent us to you to ask, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?’”
Luke 7:18
Even John the Baptist had doubts about who Jesus was!
Jesus handles John’s doubts when he addresses a crowd after John’s messengers leave.
“What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed swayed by the wind? If not, what did you go out to see? A man dressed in fine clothes? No, those who wear expensive clothes and indulge in luxury are in palaces. But what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet.”
Luke 7:24-27
The Pharisees were confused when Jesus didn’t meet their expectations. One example is in Matthew 9 when the Pharisees frown upon Jesus eating with sinners:
While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”
On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Matthew 9:10-17
Jesus predicted his death and his resurrection, but many still, even today, doubt that it actually happened.
His followers were confused and afraid in Mark 9:
“The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. They will kill him, and after three days he will rise.” But they did not understand what he meant and were afraid to ask him about it.
Mark 9:30-32
Jesus predicts his death three times in the book of Mark and mentions “three days” 21 times in the gospels. It’s pretty clear that Jesus is saying, “listen, you can expect this to happen.”
And yet, his death and resurrection were still doubted even by those who were very close to him.
In Luke 24:1-12, Mary Magdalene and several other women went to the tomb on the third day to deliver spices, and discovered that it was empty. Two angels appeared and reminded them that Jesus said he would rise, and he has. When they went back to tell the apostles, the apostles didn’t believe them.
But they did not believe the women because their words seemed to then like nonsense.
Luke 24:11
In Matthew 28: 11-15 the chief priests tried to cover up Jesus’s resurrection by bribing the soldiers to lie about what happened:
They gave the soldiers a large sum of money, telling them, “You are to say, ‘His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.’
Matthew 28:13
When we’re surprised by what’s happening, we can act out of fear and judgement (like the Pharisees), lie (like the chief priests and soldiers), double down on our doubts (like the apostles), or we can celebrate, realizing that God is so much greater than even our wildest expectations.
Call to Action
Pray and Reflect on:
Mark 1:2-4
As it is written is Isaiah the prophet:
“I will send my messenger ahead of. You, who will prepare your way” - “a voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.’”
And so John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.
Philippians 1:20
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.
John 8:32
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Matthew 16:23
Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”
Reflections:
How do you tend to react when your expectations aren’t met?
When was a time your expectations were exceeded? How did you feel?
Have you ever been surprised by Jesus?
Is there a doubt you have that’s holding you back in your faith?
