Living Life in the Gray
Written by Tammy Iund Woodard
Do you like going to the eye doctor? I’m odd in that way. I actually like the eye doctor. I am not a fan of the dentist, but I do like the eye doctor. If you’ve ever had an eye exam, you’ll know what I mean when I reference the various lenses they use and they ask which is the clearer lens 1 or lens 2. They will do a series of these, changing lenses and asking that question while you focus on a letter, number or word chart. I want to chat with you for a bit about focus. Sometimes, when I’m sitting in the chair and focusing on the chart, I think my vision is pretty good. I can make out the letters or numbers or the word. Then they flip that lens and it’s like WOW - that is MUCH clearer, but I didn’t know my vision was out of focus.
Stay with me as I share another story about focus and vision - I promise I’ll bring it all together.
The ocean is my happy place. It’s the place where I hear God the loudest and I feel Him the strongest. I don’t know when that began for me, it just seems like it’s always been that way. So any opportunity I get to ‘run away’ to the ocean - I take it. I am not a morning person. If mornings could start between 10am and 12pm daily I’d be thrilled. I was away at the ocean for a weekend and I was looking forward to sleeping in every day. Well Jesus had different plans.
I was able to enjoy the sunset each evening. It was breathtaking. The sunsets every night were magnificent. The sky was literally filled with colors and this vibrant orange that looked like the sky was on fire. It screamed POWER to me.
I really felt compelled that the Lord wanted me to witness a sunrise. Yep, that’s morning. The first couple of days I woke up when it was light outside, but not quite an official sunrise. On the final day, I set an alarm, so I could intentionally get up while it was dark and watch the full effect of the sun rising. On this final day as I sat and waited, I was sleepy and really wanted to go back to bed. It was midnight dark, even though it was around 6am. Now I’m not a fan of the dark. I never have been. Of course I don’t need to sleep with a light on, like I did as a kid, but the dark just never has been my favorite thing. I like light, any light. As I sat, staring out where the ocean was supposed to be, it began to get lighter. I continued watching. It got lighter and lighter. I could make out the ocean. I could see the birds. It was grey and colorless but it was light. I checked the time. I still had 45 minutes before the official sunrise.
The Holy Spirit began chatting. I was cold and tired and ready to head back to bed. Holy Spirit kept saying, “Just wait”. I said back, “It’s light out.” He said, “No it’s not.” I said, “Uh yes it is! I can see stuff.” Holy Spirit said, “Just wait. You have not seen the fully risen sun yet.” So I sat and I waited. Now I will tell you that once ‘official’ sun rise time came and went it wasn’t the powerful ‘fire’ sky that I had seen the night before. It was pastels of pink and blue. It was subtle. But it was like watching a picture slowly come into focus. I asked God, “Why was it so crucial that I was up to see this?” Here’s what He shared with me:
Lamentations 3:25 ESV “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”
Isaiah 40:31 ESV “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
Psalm 27:13-14 “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
How many times have I settled for the light, any light, even gray light in my life? Because any light is better than darkness, right? I get a little light in a situation and I march forward. I get a little light in my heart in an area where I need healing and I call it good. I get a little light when I am trying to make a decision and I take it and run. BUT I don’t wait for the fully risen SON in the situation. I don’t wait patiently to see the fullness of the answer. The full light, when things are clear and crisp. When the colors are in full view. I don’t wait patiently for THAT light. Why? Because I’m impatient and it takes a LONG time. I don’t care for waiting. Waiting on the sunrise that morning, God clearly showed me the difference between living a life in the gray light or in the full light of the sun/Son. It’s the difference between night and day, literally!
Back to the eye doctor, lens 1 or lens 2? Which is clearer? Same idea, right?
As we begin a new year, I would ask you, is your focus clear? What is God asking you to focus on this year? If you’re not sure what God wants your focus to be, are you willing to wait patiently until you hear from Him? Rather than moving forward in the gray, or with that blurry lens, I challenge you in 2023 to ask God to make His purposes, His focus for you crystal clear, bright with the light of the SON and I challenge you to wait patiently for it.
